January 2010
19 posts
1 tag
“ “Happy New Year. Make sure you’re ringing it in with...”
– — The Whiskey Monologues
December 2009
20 posts
3 tags
“ “You look like I need another drink.” ”
2 tags
“ “Good art, much like a good spirit, is rarely in good taste. It ought to...”
– — Anonymous
2 tags
HEPBURN + RYE
You didn’t understand Bella’s appeal: a character without any discernible traits other than the inability to be mind-read. Despite her dreariness, your friends adored Bella and the books from whence she limped off the pages of. You’d always considered yourself more of an Audrey. When friends dragged you to see the latest movie starring Bella, all you could think was how you’d rather be watching...
1 tag
“ “Leave out the cherry; leave out the orange; leave out the bitters; just...”
– — Julie London
2 tags
“ “Love needs Lasik, or I need another drink.” ”
2 tags
Hungry Hippo Blues I
Wallet goes missing; told fat girl: made of bacon. She must have ate it.
1 tag
“ “If you never get out of your head, how can you appreciate when...”
4 tags
LOVE AND HATE. AND WHISKEY.
I always plan to drink my whiskey neat. Maybe an ice cube. Maybe a splash of water. I like to sit back and wax philosophically about how whiskey started, and it’s impact on our culture. Then my friends show up and we start taking shots of Maker’s Mark and Knob Creek; before you know it, I’ve punched a fat chick in the gut and I’m being ushered to a car to do a bump of cocaine....
3 tags
GRAND SLAM
“Hey, so, I was wondering, um, is it cool if, like, we kind of keep last night between me and you? Like, maybe pretend it didn’t happen?” You look up from your Denny’s Grand Slam, across the booth at the girl saying this. You realize, neither of you have really spoken since you got here; you’ve been too busy trying to keep last night’s dinner and drinks from becoming this morning’s abstract art....
1 tag
“If you take your questionable behavior and turn it into art, it becomes...”
1 tag
“ “Bartender Colin Field at the Ritz mentioned that he’s at work on an...”
– — Julia Langbein
1 tag
Red Vines
You came over to use the computer while your friends went out to eat. You were alone, writing a paper, when she came knocking. Now you’re on the balcony with her, sharing a cigarette. Why did she stop by again? She thought her girl friends might be here. They’re always here.
Her hair is black; her eyes are smoky and intense. You’ve talked to her a couple times at parties. Her head is slightly...
1 tag
LIPSTICK
Lipstick on a pig, doesn’t make it more tasty. Fat girls still need love.
1 tag
Poem From My Liver
Thank you for abusing me on your alcoholic escapades; it has been a delicious journey, and no love is better than tough love. One day I will kill you.
1 tag
Being There
I’ve decided to black-out every time I drink with friends. There’s no point remembering what I did, remembering the night’s events; everyone else will just tag me in a photo, upload minor details to Twitter, or recap what happened on Facebook. I won’t even have to be there to be there.
1 tag
Would-Be Supermodel
My friends are assholes, trying to cock-block me tonight. Next morning, they’re right.
2 tags
Bloated
Her face is bloated; she must’ve gained twenty pounds since last you saw her. She used to be attractive. You can see the potential hidden behind months, maybe a year, of incessant beer drinking and fast food. What happened to her, you wonder; when was the shift? It doesn’t really matter. You never liked her anyway. She was always too confrontational and never had anything interesting to say. You...
2 tags
Hungry Hippo Blues (A Prelude)
Sitting at the bar, you look longingly at me, hungry for cheese steak.
3 tags
Breakfast
Last night’s hot hookup, now a fat chick in my bed; whiskey for breakfast.