January 2010
19 posts
3 tags
Scotch And Sniff
Walked in to my favorite bar on a nearly perfect snowy New England evening. Nearly sliding on the slick floor mat, I peeled off my heavy winter coat and made my way to an empty seat. I had on a slate colored cardigan and a polyester dress with a loud print that reminded me of my grandmother’s couch. Fully prepared to order my favorite potable, a man appeared next to me and asked if I would...
3 tags
Hungry Hippo Blues II
Took her home for fun.
I slept; she raided my fridge.
Hungry hippo, why?
1 tag
MALLOW
Did you give up on the Facebook struggle? Well, I guess I could have guessed that. I left my house to grab a coffee, and I’m about to take a long, sensuous shower. I love the demands of having somewhere to be. It’s funny how you relish in your days off and somehow feel free in your own skin. I’m not sure if I mentioned that I turned down the better paying job. It was a Thursday...
2 tags
ITALIAN OPERA
You swore you wouldn’t talk to him. You told yourself: he wouldn’t win you over this time. You knew he’d be here, at the show tonight; “Hospital Beds” is one of his favorite songs. At least it was at the time. When he walked over to say hello, you tried to act cold. Mid-sentence, you turned to your friend and pointed out some hot guy across the room. Although it momentarily stopped him from...
3 tags
For The Drunk Guy At The Bar Last Night
Hand goes on my thigh. Guys who can’t hold their whiskey get punched in the eye.
2 tags
“ “I’m more afraid of people who don’t drink than those who...”
2 tags
The Professional
“Man, are you sure you want to go?” says your drunk, chronic-weed-smoking roommate. “You look like shit.” Flashback to you taking a shot of whiskey. Flashback to you already being savagely drunk before the shot of whiskey. Flashback to you taking another shot of whiskey. Flashback to you taking a dip of chewing tobacco, per the recommendation of some guy wearing a Tool t-shirt....
2 tags
How Did You Know Where I Would Be When I Didn’t...
I get sick of yelling “Fire!” when you’re so willing to burn. I get tired of falling asleep before you make your presence known. I get wet when it rains, and so do you but we stand on opposite sides of a burning line. You get hot under the afternoon and sit there slightly smiling, tongue touching your top teeth… I know what you are thinking. You are thinking about the night around a week after you...
1 tag
Gibson
Me: Do you have onions?
Server: I do.
Me: I'll have Bombay Sapphire, up, two onions.
Server: in other words, a Gibson.
Me: I love you.
(No one seems to know what a Gibson is anymore, especially female servers in their twenties.)
2 tags
“ “Life is a tragedy for those who feel, but a comedy to those who...”
– — Anonymous
2 tags
Before, Again.
I don’t play pool too well, but I can tell he likes me and wants me on his team, anyway. I try to get him to teach without touching, to use overly expressive gestures and orderly dialogue. My friends reappear from the abysmal bar, swarming with bodies, having conjured up another shot of Jameson. I know that one is my limit, but my inhibitions started to feel generous two rounds ago. I...
2 tags
A Case Of The Blues
the liquor burns down the glass as the counter holds him up. whispers behind the bar seem so distant even when the bottles howl their end. “keep ‘em comin’” the glass burps. the bottles yield, “one last drink and then hit the road.” glass starts breaking. he cracks at the sound of the bottles asking him to leave. he loses control, barrels through the bottles,...
2 tags
The Gift Of Gab
his ear fell to the floor and began to flop around the bar - he chased it through the door and into the street i ordered another whiskey sour and gave it to a woman who had just vomited into her hand and began to talk her ear off too. Submitted by Hey, Mike Waskom.
2 tags
Overheard At A Bar: A Single Man
Guy 1: So, are you still single?
Guy 2: Yeah; I am.
Guy 1: Ah, no worries; you’re young. Let me buy you a drink; what are you having?
Guy 2: A Roy Rogers.
Guy 1: A Roy Rogers! Going big!
Guy 2: This is my third, actually. They start cutting me off around six. So much sugar, I bounce off the walls. What about you, man? You still seeing Melissa?
Guy 1: No. We, ah, we broke up.
Guy 2: Oh yeah; that's right. I think I heard. Something about a threesome? [Pause] So, you guys ready to sit down and eat?
3 tags
“ “The problem with whiskey,” she said into her glass, “is that...”
– — Brunette
2 tags
A WAY TO SAVE MONEY
Drinking by yourself is better than drinking with freeloading assholes.
3 tags
“ “He started playing Interpol; I had to stay for another round.” ”
4 tags
When Borrow Means Forever
You’re overly flirtatious, touching her arm, her waist. This has been going on for weeks: the playful grins, the coquettish eyes; now you’re finally drunk enough to make a move. Your friends brought you here tonight, to the Irish pub where she works, because you wouldn’t shut up about her. She tells you if you stick around for an hour she’ll join you for drinks. Two rounds of Jameson and two...
2 tags
“ “The only reason I didn’t upgrade to first class is because I...”