The Whiskey Monologues

We always seem like a force to be reckoned with, but what it comes down to is a shit fist full of glass waiting to punch you in your own gut. We’d stand on the sidewalk, Subway cup full of vodka, smoking cheap cigarettes and hearing catcalls while the night creeps in around us. You never fooled me into thinking you were anything more than poison, anything less than cancer.

My eyes were always made of gold before I knew the dragon that could exist within them. If you take one more pill you’ll start to feel the side effects. I have my days consisting of nausea and heartache, while your figurine creates those dancing shadows on the wall. My mattress is without sheets. You were prone to throwing my pillows across the room in your wild sleep.

The cup is always half empty when it comes to alcohol. You always want more. I remember feeling an excitement that was probably more like a throb, an ache, a singe of my skin pushing me closer until I fell in. We’d collapse on the bed and wrestle our way into each other’s skin. Your mouth on mine, noses pressed, skin touching skin, legs entwined. It was never anything more than an ache.

I’d be on on the floor dancing to some band I wasn’t entirely familiar with, but hey, a show is a show right? I’d occasionally lose you in the crowd and find you either grinding up against a stranger, or taking another shot. Your voice grew higher with each cocaine swallow. I’d only grow to carry resentment in my veins.

I remember being locked out. When I finally got inside, I tore down every stitch of paper from my walls. I’d sunk to a new low, and the disastrous beauty of it overthrew any needling desire to become something better than the beast I’d brought in from the cold. Blood pours from my arms and I’m smiling that stubborn shit-eating grin like the fiend you so desired to see in me.

In these situations there’s nothing more heartbreakingly beautiful than a bottle of gin crashing to the floor. I shudder at the shattering shards of glistening glass, turning around to wave my final goodbye.

Submitted by Kids Will Be Skeletons.